my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
