we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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