My first STD was from a foam party
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
