I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think your dad took our porno
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
