Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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