he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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