New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
