And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
