My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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