The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
