Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
