Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
