But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
