You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I love you. Go after that dick
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
