He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
