I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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