I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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