My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
BRING THE BAGELS
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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