Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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