Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
