My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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