dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
