my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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