I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Still dying that you shit outside
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize