wrigley field is MILF paradise
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
no you cant smoke seaweed
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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