Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
