i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
