White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
