i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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