I got chris browned last night
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
