Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
