And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
