You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
