Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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