it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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