so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
