i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
