I think my fart just growled at me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
