Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I want her autograph on my taint
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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