6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
