This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
