I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
