I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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