i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
