I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just tell him i said nine months
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
