Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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