ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
