either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
