She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
