hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
