Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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