It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
