You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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