forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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