fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
