you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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