My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
