YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
