from now on my penis is your penis
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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