I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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