Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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