cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You can't motorboat a personality
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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