I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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