....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize