meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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