It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
