White coat. Heels.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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