Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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