Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
my poor anus
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
