all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
